Nothing happened, and suddenly the beautiful couple broke up. No, this does not happen. There are always warning signs of problems, but we are too busy or lazy to notice them. Learn to feel when something is going wrong and understand exactly what is happening.
The initial absence leads to the foundation crumbling in the relationship: feelings of security and reliability go away. Trust destroys jealousy (justified or unreasonable), the realization that a partner does not fulfill his promises, or both, leading to suspicion and resentment. Mistrust entails the painful existence of the couple: reproaches, interrogations, a nasty feeling that removes all positive emotions that you are constantly being deceived, a sense of guilt, restriction of the partner's freedom, which can damage his career growth social interaction.
Also, different goals and communication problems lead to the fact that partners move away from each other. They can be held together by fear of loneliness, children, financial dependence. But when there are no deterrent reasons, the couple quickly breaks up. A classic example is empty nest syndrome. When children grow up, parents suddenly feel like strangers, between whom there is nothing in common because, for many years, they were focused on children and forgot about communicating with each other.
We immediately think about physical or sexual abuse. But, besides this, there is emotional violence, the injuries from which heal much longer and are more difficult than bruises on the body.
Signs of emotional abuse:
Attempts to completely control the partner.
Verbal humiliation: unfounded and constant criticism, derogatory words.
Demonstration of strength and power to create fear in the partner.
Excessive jealousy, and for work, goals, hobbies.
The expectation is that the partner will fulfill all wishes.
Depriving a partner of the right to vote in making common decisions.
Attempts to isolate a partner from friends and relatives.
Talking about violence, it seems that a person should play the role of evil. However, women do not often demonstrate physical violence; although it sometimes takes place, they can manifest themselves in psychological violence.
And also addictions that you can't cope with. Those that make life unbearable: alcoholism, drug addiction, and gambling. Undoubtedly, when problems are just beginning, the support of a loved one can help you cope with them. But, unfortunately, very often, nothing helps until the person himself realizes that he needs to do it. Let's add here the pathological dependence on a former lover or beloved, the struggle with which will most likely be lost, no matter how much energy and strength you put into it.
We`re happy when everything happens the way we imagined it. And we`re unhappy when reality turns out to be worse than expectations. Deceived expectations associated with a partner lead to frustration and anger, which is poured out on him. In our head, there is an image of a partner; on it, he is the way we want to see him. Unfortunately, the loved one has no idea about this picture and is unlikely to make a lot of effort to match it. If we`re to be completely honest, then it does not have to correspond to what you have come up with for yourself. However, we do not give up hope, all the same, to complete the partner to the ideal. Hence the constant whining and discontent, ignorance of his achievements, which do not fit into the desired picture.
Physical breakup: partners are not satisfied with their sex life and cannot discuss the accumulated problems and find a solution. Emotional gap: partners do not know how to communicate, do not know how to empathize and support, do not understand each other. Discontent is growing, which they also cannot discuss and explain. As a result, everyone is seeking support from friends, relatives, new acquaintances. Often a person is looking for the missing components of a relationship among members of the opposite sex, which leads to new falls in love and infidelity. The reasons for discord in relationships are always the same; it is not always possible to recognize them behind everyday quarrels.
The different speed of development of partners also plays an important role. This is the reason for the distance: one partner develops and changes all the time, the second partner remains in the same condition as when they met. As a result, they have different worldviews, goals, interests, priorities, social circles.
Financial problems aren`t only a lack of money, but also problems with their distribution. For instance:
One partner earns more than the other, making the second partner feel inadequate and financially dependent.
The total budget is distributed based on the desires of only one partner.
One of the partners spends money without consulting the other, which is why then there are not enough funds for general needs.
Every couple is faced with a crisis in the relationship, which not everyone can overcome. It is important to understand that external reasons for a breakup, such as a partner's jealousy, or unwashed dishes, or a million more ridiculous, at first glance, conflict situations, are just reasons. But they indicate deeper problems in the couple, such as a lack of attention or rapport. One of the partners, in the end, makes the most common mistake: he tries to refute all the accusations against him. As a result, the stream of complaints doubles, and the usual exchange of mutual reproaches begins. Psychologists in a similar situation recommend agreeing with the partner's accusations, but try to smooth out the situation and gently explain your point of view. It helps to make the conversation constructive.
A quarrel, and even more so parting, is a painful experience for any person. But even this situation has positive aspects. Crises are necessary for reflection, reflection on what is important for you and your partner. If you are faced with insoluble contradictions or your partner's unwillingness to make compromises and dialogue, you may think about a new relationship.
Crisis-free development of relations is impossible, but not all problems lead to rupture. If you understand that you value your current relationship, only one thing will help to avoid separation: the ability to listen to your partner and talk about problems. Dialogue is important. Not an exchange of accusations and phrases in defense of your interests, but cooperation, patience, and a willingness to change your life so that you both feel comfortable.